Let Me Fall
by midnightrain24
Summary: While Ciel and Sebastian are on yet another mission for the Queen, Sad Rin feels a sharp pain in her stomach. Is it from the danger that Ciel and Sebastian are in? Or something else entirely? Episode 17 One-Shot I don't own Kuroshitsuji or the characters.


She knew something went wrong. Even though she wasn't present on this current "mission" for the Queen, she felt pain surge through her body. What was wrong with her? She grabbed the kitchen counter to steady herself; she was shaking so much. Beads of sweat started to form on her forehead. She never had this feeling before, a nauseas feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her heart began to pounding violently, creating sharp pains against her chest. She let out a small cry as she breathed in a sharp breathe, gritting her teeth. Without being able to hold them back, her black cat ears popped out as her long slender tail appeared from under her skirt.

She reached up to wipe the perspiration from her temples and let out a frustrated sigh. She had to calm down, had to breathe. By doing that, she could rid herself of these cat ears. She quickly bagged the vegetables she was slicing: carrots, onions, and celery and placed that cutting board and knife into the sink. After drying her hands and tossing the dishtowel on the counter, she headed for her bedroom.

Her little loft was on of the only places she could relax. It may have seemed gray and weary to others but to her, it was warmth and comfort. She climbed on her bed, pulling her knees in and resting her chin on them. She had to find away to calm down. She let out several deep breaths and slowly but surely, her cat ears started to shrink as her tail vanished underneath her dress. _Thank goodness_, she thought. Now she had to concentrate on the task at hand, she wanted to know if Ciel and Sebastian were all right. Slowly, she closed her eyes, then, very carefully, leaned her head back.

_Darkness. _

_A heavy fog and flickering lampposts. _

_Cobble streets and a church in the distance. Figures clothed in black cloaks and hoods covering their faces giving their eyes the appearance of black holes. She floated toward the church glancing around once again. Faint chanting by the monks filled the court, echoing off the stone walls of the church. She came to the huge wooden door and stretched out her hand. Instantly, her hand materialized through the door. Being as a ghost in the vision, any item of matter held no obstacle for her. Gentle moving down the aisles, the pews lined up neatly along the sides, she headed toward the stage. A beautiful stained glass window of an angel shined down on her. The church was dark and silent with several candles lit illuminating dark corners and creating grotesque shadows on the walls. She shivered. She didn't want to be here long. She searched around for some sign that they were here. _

_Gliding down one the pews she crossed the church and came to a wooden door. They were here; she knew it. She thought of Ciel, creating his image in her mind, where, out of the corner of her eye, he appeared. Next to him was Grell. Both of them were very faint and had a light glow to them. Her powers were not very strong now. It took much time for her to build up her mind abilities. But having that horrible feeling back in the mansion had her worried. They'd gone on "errands" for the Queen before this one; she had even accompanied them from time to time. She knew that as long as Sebastian was there, that Ciel would be safe. But she had to know for sure. Now, where was Sebastian? She pictured him up in her mind. Being a demon, he was much harder to sense. And whatever event she was picturing had already occurred. Even though it drained her more, she finally located where he was in the church at this time in the past. He leaned against the door, his arm stretched out with the palm of his hand resting on the door to hold him up against it. Another figure started to appear. The dust swirled around as a faint blue light started to shape a smaller person under Sebastian's arm. She peered closer. _

_It was a young girl. She wore a black dress with a silver cross dangling from her neck. A nun. Rin raised her eyebrow in curiosity. What would he want with a nun? Sebastian crept closer to her, a seductive smile one his lips. His body hovered over her as he trapped her against the wall. The girl's eyes softened as her face turned a bright shade of red. She didn't seem the least bit disturbed by his closeness. But Rin was. She started to breathe heavy. She knew. She knew this feeling; that look in their eyes. Together they agreed. She started to breathe heavy again, like she had done back in the kitchen. She had to get out of here. She didn't want to see anymore. She knew what he had done! She had to get out. She spun around and ran through the pews, heading for the wooden door. She felt moisture on her face as she fazed through the door. She didn't get a chance to look at the cobble-stoned streets again. She already decided to leave. Her head started to spin as she threw her head back, arching her back, and let out a small cry. _

Rin flung forward onto her bed, the force of returning to the mansion and to her own body knocking the breath out of her. Her legs were crossed and the upper part of her body was sprawled limply on the bed as she let out silent sobs. Her whole body shook with pain. _How could he? How could he be so low? So disgusting. I can't I trusted him. Can't believe I let him touch me. Let him touch my hand, my hair, and my face._ She was so nauseous, sick. She felt dirty. She had to take a bath, cleanse herself. The more she thought about it, the more shocked she was. She always thought of Sebastian as responsible. She respected him. She never thought he would be capable of what he had done. She let her guard down and now…

Now what? Could she stay here? She didn't even want to look at him. It would be like staring at the sun, painful and blinding. She even shivered at the thought of him touching her again. She didn't realize that she was already sitting in the water of her bath. She was so caught up in thought that she didn't even remember hauling water and removing her clothes. She grabbed her lavender scented soap and scrubbed at her pale skin violently. She saw dirt everywhere, filth. She scrubbed until the small area of her skin burned. Dropping the soap into the water, she carefully caressed her skin. Salty teardrops started to appear on her arm. She let out a shaky sigh and brought up a soapy hand to wipe away her tears.

"Sebastian" she whispered quietly. She slowly rose to her feet, careful not to slip. The water trickled down her body as she reached for her towel. After drying herself off she slipped a chiffon dress over her and numbly walked to her bed.

She seemed in a trance as she gently laid herself on the bed. She was so careful with herself, like she thought the slightest fast movement would cause her to break. The tears started to flow as she cried. Not for herself, but for him. She'd thought better of him, but now, he was just another sick man. She hated impure things. Sebastian wasn't human; he was a demon. And she should've known better that her actions and emotions would change him otherwise. He did whatever suited him. _But why? "_Sebastian," she whispered again, "Why did you hurt me?"

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Side Note: Rin can turn into a cat and also acquire cat ears and a tail. This only happens in Kuroshitsuji. I was inspired by the tokyo mew mew cat, ichigo, and by the manga _Loveless_. When Rin's heart starts to pump very fast, her ears and tail pop out. Now, I don't like copying other people's ideas so let me clarify. In tokyo mew mew, Ichigo's ears pop out when she gets excited. Sad Rin's pop out whenever her heart beat speeds up, so she could be scared, happy, nervous, or just recovering from a 100 meter dash. You just never know. So even though it's similar to Ichigo, it's still my own thought. When Sad Rin's cat ears and tail are popped out, that is the only time she can turn into a cat. Now, again I must give credit from where my ideas came from. She only turns into a cat when someone hugs her (only of the opposite sex, it's more fun that way :D) and I got this idea from Fruits Basket. I felt that I had to put this here just in case people don't get confused.


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